Profile #5 Big Bluey

Big Bluey is currently a practicing megalomaniac. His facility is positioned somewhere off of Route 64; it’s exact
location is only known to UPS, for the delivery of weaponry and scientific equipment. UPS maintain such a high level of data protection that even some of their clients have been hypnotised to forget their own address. The government has had little luck in halting Bluey’s operation for world domination. However, Bluey’s schemes are yet to actually accomplish much. His reliance on a rabble of henchbears and second rate (often struck off) scientists has done little other than create a loafing commune for the intellectually challenged.

Despite his misguided methodology, Bluey has grand plans. Or at the very least delusions of grandeur. Although, when considering his past successes, perhaps his sights are not set too high. He was a champion boxer at college, and later manager of his own business; a joint venture in street sweeping with some other bears including Chune. However, Bluey was always more interested in results than the process of achievement, and with it the business soon became a front for some of Bluey’s more underhand shortcuts. Some found the whole situation intolerable and left, while Chune and Blotch (you’ll meet him later) were sucked into what would eventually become Bluey’s first facility and bid for world domination.

As Bluey’s power and influence grew, he became ever more detacheed from reality. Even turning on his former partner Chune; deeming him too stupid to remain in any way in charge (he may have had a point though), and then forcibly demoted him to Henchbear status. To further serve his ego Bluey agreed to have the comic Bear Zero made to chronicle his campaigns against, well, everything. Although there is said to be some friction as all Bluey’s old war stories end in world domination, but that hasn’t actually happened yet. So something’s not quite right. Nevertheless, promise him a new chemical refinery and he’s suddenly sweet as pie.

Profile #4 Parkwell Cleary

Some of you will have seen me before presenting the FAB News bulletins in previous posts. What you won’t know is that I’m also the editor for everything that goes on this blog. The only reason every post has ‘The Polar One’ at the bottom is out of respect for him, and because he’ll turn us all to snow if we don’t do what he wants. It’s a win-win scenario, where Plar (The Polar One) wins twice.

As for myself, I enjoy keeping up with current affairs; hence my job in journalism. FAB News is an abbreviation for Fabricate News. Fabricate being the collective term for our species, which others call ’soft toys’. Like all good journalists I value objectivity, justice, freedom of information, and really loud ties. Unfortunately, I can’t wear the ties as I’m told they interfere with our cameras. One day I hope to earn the highest accolade in journalism, a Wurlitzer Prize.

In case you were wondering, I am a hedgehog, and like to think that makes me independent of bear-centric attitudes. There is much rivalry between bears and pengs (penguins) for the limelight, as I’ve no doubt will become more noticeable once Bear and Beyond releases it’s first proper show. Yes, it’s all in the pipeline. I’ll let you get back to your browsing now.

Profile #3 Chune

Dressed in his magnificent tartan jumpsuit, Chune is a character with a long and colourful back-story. Not quite as colourful as the jumpsuit, but that would be a tall order of sickly proportions. Some wonder if the loudness of Chune’s attire is so to make up for his lack of a voice. It is not known if he can talk, just that he doesn’t.

In his school days Chune was a talented athlete and gymnast. He went on to join a circus troupe and travelled as the most daring trapeze artist in the business. Not necessarily the best, but definitely the most daring. After many years on the road, tragedy stuck when Chune was diagnosed with Ehltar Tanlos; an unstable stuffing condition, which his particular breed of bear is prone to. It weakens the joints and rendered him unable to continue performing.

For a brief spell he turned to tea; a much frowned upon addictive drink that mats bears fur and stains it a nasty shade of brown. In an attempt to turn his life around and give back to the community he joined a local street sweeping group run by a bear named Big Bluey. It was a positive turning point in his life, until Big Bluey decided he wanted to take over the world, and forced Chune under threat of death to stay and work for him as a hench-bear.

However, Chune plays a significant role in keeping Bluey in check. He has a calming influence over him due to their long friendship. Without Chune remaining where he is the world may be a much more dangerous place. Hopefully, one day, he might convince Bluey to give up his aspirations of world domination.

Chune’s sunny disposition gives him a youthful appearance, despite being one of the eldest bears. There are many more facets to his life; too many for this brief profile.

Profile #2 LBP

LBP is of the Little Blue Penguin species, from where his name is derived. He is Plar’s chief bodyguard, being especially good at the violent parts. The two are almost inseparable, as has been the case ever since they first met. Of course that could be because Plar insists on 24 hour, 7 day a week security from his most trusted penguin. Meaning LBP often goes for weeks on end without sleeping. When he does get some time to himself, he generally spends it drinking heavily and shouting the insult ‘wazzack’ a lot.

Whatever LBP may lack in ‘tub’ (the size of the waistline - larger tubs are greatly respected by penguins), he makes up in attitude and authority. He doesn’t share much of his past with others, but it’s clear that he got where he is today through nothing but hard work. Now he’s a highly respected member of the Peng race.

Recently LBP agreed to become the anchor for Peng News; a regular news programme for penguins. We intend to show any relevant broadcasts in the future, so watch this space.

Nicknames include: Elb, Elboriah, L Beep

Profile #1 Plar

Meet Plar. Reverently referred to as The Polar One, Plar is the deity of ice and snow. To reflect his infinite power and wisdom he is credited as Executive Producer and owner of all Bear & Beyond projects. And naturally gets the first profile on the site.

Plar’s mother was clubbed to death by a fur hunter. His father disappeared around the same time. Since then he has travelled the Earth in search of a home. His powers are matched only by his unreasonable desire to be the centre of all attention. Plar is best thing ever, and don’t even think otherwise or else you’ll find yourself encased in a block of ice.

You may think Plar sounds like a tyrant or egocentric, but he is in fact a very playful and innocent young polar bear. While he may resemble a cub, he maintains the position that he is older than time itself. Aside from a few delusions of grandeur (“I built the Eiffel Tower”), Plar is very down to Earth. He also achieved a medical degree from the Polar University - despite his unnatural interest in transplanting root vegetables into people’s bodies.

Due to Plar’s unique nature he often fears for his safety. Many would like to cage and examine him. So he maintains a constant penguin entourage as bodyguards; they don’t mind the cold. It also makes him look important.

There are a great many mysteries that revolve around Plar. They will be tackled in due course. When it comes to deities, at least you know where you stand with The Polar One. On shaky ground. So it’s best to just shut up and get in line to worship him.