Talent Scout #5 - Scare Bears

Whilst Jaune has been putting together a short horror film for the first episode of Bear and Beyond, he has been looking around for some inspiring bears. The sort of bears that evoke a sinister, hideous, terrifying quality. Here’s what he came up with.

Firstly, a few runner ups for their notable freaky features. For sleepless nights these two evoke horror more directly than most bears you’ll meet. Sleepless nights aplenty.

Then there’s the weird hybrid skull faced bear, who doesn’t appear to have a body. Maybe he levitates? Or maybe his body is already out fetching victims?! Plus this crossed eyed, haunting bear - with an aura of evil about her. That fixed smile is the first sign of a satisfied, deranged killer.

Now onto the favourites. [click for larger pictures]

In third place - “That’s right, I’m watching you!” You can see the fur balding on his face, probably from being pressed up against countless windows. Picking out the hapless candidates for a slow, humiliating dismemberment. Such a cold, glassy stare. And no doubt never without a case of surgical instruments. You won’t see him coming until it’s too late.

Second place. Are you ready for some hicksploitation - bear style. Wouldn’t want to take a wrong turn to this ones corrugated shack. He might look slow, but he’ll catch you off guard, and have you bound up in the back of a pick-up in no time. It’s alright though, his Mama told him to do it. Raised him well, she did.

And the winner is this small faced, rodeo loving, killer. A charmer in his youth. Now a brutal psychotic torturer. Life is a game, and other people are their to be played with. No rules. No limits. He’ll kiss you as he guts you. Beware.



As always, if you know any of these bears, get in touch. Fame awaits.

#83 American Ninja 3: Blood Hunt (1989)

Face it. Bad movies will always be around. For every Atonement, you get a Transformers. Or should that be the other way around? That’s the point, isn’t it. One persons Champagne is anothers Special Brew. But since it’s there, why not give it a try once in a while. You might be surprised. The American Ninja series is most definitely cheese. You can smell it a mile off. Somewhere between Miami Vice and Street Fighter you’ll find this low budget beat ‘em up series. After the modestly successful first installment, and the very so-so sequel, the third film sees changes to the previous cast and crew.

Michael Dudikoff has left, requiring a new lead character to be written in. Sean Dadivson, played by former karate champion David Bradley, happens to be another American raised in the arts of the ninja. Told in a remarkable flashback full of dry ice. He also happens to be an old friend of Curtis Powerhouse Jackson (Steve James - from the previous movies), and bumps into him at a Karate Championship. Despite the contrivances, Bradley makes for an equally good (read okay) lead.

The other big change is in the form of a new, and arguably better, director Cedric Sundstrom. American Ninja 2 had a very point and shoot feel about it. Whereas now there’s a stronger emphasis on lighting and shadows. The overall feel is more in line with modern standards, so easier on the eye. The action scenes also have a little more urgency and realism about them, with less weapons than before; getting back to martial arts basics. I’ve only seen the previous movie, and know that fans generally view it as better. American Ninja 3 made it into the IMDB bottom 100 for a start, with part two escaping that embarrassment. Despite that I think the positions should be reversed, although there’s very little in it. They’re both dumb.

Plot-wise, we’ve moved on from the dreaded nemesis ‘The Lion’ of the second film, and now have to contend with ‘The Cobra’. Sean (Bradley) discovers this ruthless businessman, who researches germ warfare to sell to terrorists, whilst searching for his kidnapped Ninja Master - kidnapped by ninjas of course. It’s a simple linear story of investigation, but with that slower paced, night time moody atmosphere that 80s did so often. There’s some mystery to hold the attention. However, it’s still dogged by some fairly flat dialogue, and the supporting cast is weak, leading to some interminably dull scenes. Good job they threw in some random microlite action to spice things up. There’s even a very prominant bit of ‘Kilroy was here’ graffiti for those that remember such things. Chuck in some personal tragedy and leave to fester.

On the downside, you may find yourself somewhat desensitized to ninjas by the end of it. They are literally wall to wall, appearing from thin air, and the plot gives no explanations as to why all these ninja are working for these nutters. Where do they come from? Is there a discount for buying in bulk? Another unfortunate side effect is that after seeing so many ninjas taken down by two guys, they start to lose their reputation. Maybe the next American Ninja will be a young Macauley Culkin, aka ‘The Stoat’?

It would be very easy for me to deride this for lack of originality; the flying into the sunset shots, catching arrows with their bare hands, that last second burst of energy just at the brink of losing everything. The synthy soundtrack is also better left alone. I think the makers knew their limitations and simply decided to make a few bucks. A bit cynical, but there you go. The end product is a reflection of all the excesses of that era, done on the cheap. If your a fan of the 80s (as I am) then it’s actually quite fun. Amongst the wooden acting, video game plots, mindless fighting, endless ninjas, and Curtis Jackson’s quips, there is enough schoolboy charm and sillyness to keep me watching and amused. Fans of films like Roadhouse would probably find this hammier, but a laugh. It sure ain’t art, but what the heck. If you want some bone crunching throwaway giggles, there is worse out there.

[2.6/10 | 1,184 Votes | as of 17th July 2007]

So far:
Best film – #88 Prince of Space (1959)
Worst film – #87 The Neverending Story III (1994)

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